The Mon-Losers: How The Monstars Player Scouting was their Downfall in SpaceJam

By Joe “Yeti” Collier

SpaceJamLogoShawn Bradley, is the reason why the Monstars lost.

You had a Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley and Larry Johnson that was the big three before LeBron, Wade and Bosh made it cool. Add to that list a pretty good point guard in Muggsy Bogues. But Instead of getting a shooting guard, say like Reggie Miller, they went with Shawn Bradley!

What game film were they watching?

If you watch the highlights of the game, the weak part of the Monstars was the center position that would have been covered by the tall blue guy. Not to mention that Jordan was covered by Nawt (Red Guy/(Bogues), Pound (Orange Guy/Sir Charles) and Bupkus (Purple Guy/Johnson), which had no chance at covering MJ.

In short, they needed help at the rim. And they chose Shawn Bradley. Just ask Tracy McGrady about Shawn Bradley protecting the rim.

bradleyblankoThe MonStars came out swinging, they played like the old school Detroit “Bad Boys” teams [of the late 1980s]. They rode their high horse into the locker room where they told their boss they stole talent from the most talented players in the NBA and listed everyone but Shawn Bradley.
After halftime you can tell the game got out hand and the talent of MJ was to much to handle for the other four Monstars who was covering for Blanko (Bradley/Blue Guy) and his lack of talent and defense around the rim.

If they could have kept Bang (Green Guy/Patrick Ewing) at the rim, no way MJ could have won. MJ would be in North Korea, I mean, “Moron Mountain.” But instead of getting a pure shooting guard they got another center in Bradley.

Let’s take a look at he players who played in 1996 that the Monstars could have stolen talent from:

Reggie Miller – Pure shooter and good defender. They could have jacked up some threes and would have turned this game around.

Latrell Sprewell – Keeping with their bad boy image, Sprewell would have fit right in.

Penny Hardaway – They could have had the double threat in Penny. Someone that could have dished and shot the ball.

Space Jam final shopI am going to go out on a limb and named three rookies for 4, 5 and 6:

Allen Iverson – The #1 pick of the 1996 draft would have been a great pick up. I mean he did break MJ’s ankles when MJ came back [Editor’s Note: The second time with the Bulls. Not his return with the Wizards. Everyone was breaking his ankles then.]

Ray Allen – He could have played an Monstar before he was Jesus Shuttelworth. And he is pretty good at mean mugging.

Kobe Bryant – The talent was there.

And let me just point out:

Eric Gordon – I know you are looking at the page funny. Eric Gordon wasn’t in the league, but he was in the movie playing MJ’s youngest son. Untapped talent looking right at them. (Just kidding. It was another Eric Gordon II)

So, MJ’s come back happened because the Monstars didn’t scout their talent too well. Mike, you got lucky.

Photo: junkiemonkeys.com
             Photo: junkiemonkeys.com

If we want to see a Space Jam 2, of course LeBron would be the star, and you can count on the King to bring his friends. You will see Kevin Love, Dwayne Wade and Kevin Durant. So move over Bugs!

As for the the Monsterstars, they better not make the same mistake twice. Here is who you want to steal from the Loony Squad! STAY AWAY from Darko, I know he looks like he has talent, but he is worse than Shawn Bradley: 

 

PG Derrick Rose or Kyrie Irving.
SG James Harden (Can’t go without Grady).
SF Carmelo Anthony
PF David West
C Dwight Howard 

Now that is some serious talent stealing! 

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